It's That Time Of Year Again
by The Voice in the Wilderness
Summary: Naraku has a snack-jones and he's willing to kill for it - warning: holiday-flavored crack and silliness within.


_All "InuYasha" characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and associated copyright holders. No money is being made from this fan fiction. No infringement is intended._

He'd been spying on them for months, but as the seasons revolved and the snow came again, he'd been less inclined to sit and wait for information to reveal itself from their careless lips. Lately, even his thick white pelt wasn't keeping the sleet out when it began to whip and drive around the landscape he was trying like hell to melt into! Dammit! It wasn't fit out here for man or beast…or hybrid beast-man, Naraku thought sullenly.

The Inu-brat had been driving them towards some important rendezvous point and keeping up with the nekomata and the bounding inu-hanyou was getting on his last nerve. He found himself missing his hearth and that really very comfortable spot he'd worn on his lair's dark wall – it fit his ass like a glove, he he. _Wait – focus asshole! You came out here to find Shikon shards not fantasize about a day off!_ Naraku bounced effortlessly along in the frosty shadows, wondering: what in the seven hells was so damn important out here near an old, dry well?

Crouched behind one of the few evergreens in this end of the forest, the Spider waited, and every so often blew foggy smoke rings away from the subjects of his waning interest. The dangerous war for the Shikon no Tama wound down to a slow boil this time of year because Naraku hated the cold weather. Hell, he hated going outside when it was cool! Freezing one's tentacles off was not his idea of a good time – hence the minions, but he'd had the void girl and the wind witch off gallivanting around the brat's reclusive brother, who was probably prowling somewhere west of the ass end of nowhere! He wanted to grind his fangs in irritation, but mostly he wanted the Inu-Tachi to hurry the hell up with whatever they were doing so he could steal whatever it was, or break it and then get on with his life, preferably back in his nice warm lair!

When he saw the little miko pop up out of the well, he was very confused. What the hell had the girl been doing in there this time of the year? Was she involved in some weird purification fast, or maybe a meditation exercise of some sort? He snorted softly at the idea of that airhead attempting to meditate and kept his red eyes on the scene before him.

Kagome threw her over-stuffed yellow backpack over the well's edge with quite a bit of difficulty. Then as she was yelling at the inattentive inu-hanyou brat, the ditzy priestess lost her grip on the sleet-slick wood and fell back into the well with a shriek. Plastered ears against his head in contrition, InuYasha jumped into the well after her, cussing her klutziness the entire time. The neko and her riders all agreed the InuYasha and Kagome were probably going to be awhile, especially since his little faux pas was going to most assuredly cause an argument. Shippo, Miroku and Sango all agreed the two love-birds could meet them at Kaede's when they got done fooling around down there or wherever Kagome's "world beyond the well" took them.

They flew quickly off in the direction of the village and forgot all about Kagome's bloated yellow bag. Naraku waited for them to disappear over the trees to emerge from hiding to steal the priestess's obviously important belongs. Lifting the damn thing nearly threw his back out – Naraku couldn't believe that skinny slip of a girl could carry a pack like a mule; this thing weighed a ton! Sucking it up, the dark hanyou arranged the load upon his back and flew the fastest route back to his lair, cussing the damned weather the entire way.

Once he had dried his person enough to be comfortable and managed to get the damn icy knots out of his long tangled hair, Naraku settled back against his beloved wall and started to go through Kagome's trail-worn backpack. He smiled at her lacy undergarments; he'd have to make Kagura try those on later – she'd been especially bitchy lately and needed taken down a peg, Naraku thought to himself. He flipped through the strange flat parchments covered in weird symbols and numbers – he'd have to study these later, they must be spells! Various objects of indeterminate origin and function were strewn around him as Naraku kept digging through Kagome's stuff.

Finally, he came across a heavy, sweet-smelling package stuffed into the very bottom of the bag. Strange stains bloomed across the paper it was wrapped in looking a lot like bloody meat marks! This made the Spider's eyebrows climb into his hair. What ultimate foulness resided in that goody-goody priestess's little heart that she'd have something sweet and bloody in the bottom of her pack? Shoving a clear space free of the crap he had liberated from the backpack, Naraku set the strange package down next to him. As he examined the thing he also noted bright greenish blebs congealing with the red spots along certain areas of the wrapping. Were they the viscous leakings of entrails? He sure hoped so! Bringing the mystery up to his nose to get a whiff and then maybe a clue, Naraku thought he smelled…shochu? No, it wasn't yeasty enough to be shochu, but it was most definitely alcohol and this made the Spider's eyebrows try to crawl all the way over his head. What was the girl doing with whatever this monstrosity was? It was somehow blood, guts and booze, all in one package? He was beginning to like this girl!

He slowly unwrapped the thing and marveled at the garish, mashed-together mess and after a quick sniff and quicker lick, the evil hanyou stuffed the entire thing in his gaping maw and chewed contentedly. It was delicious; the little bits of organ meat exploded on his tongue in juicy goodness and the weirdly booze-pickled flesh complimented the various entrail-bits perfectly. The fact that he didn't find any Shikon shards was almost a non-issue. But as soon as Naraku had swallowed the thing, followed by a resounding belch – he wanted more and more he would have! Quickly stuffing the rest of Kagome's travelling junk back into the backpack in whichever way he could make it all fit in there, Naraku donned his walkin' shoes and flew back to the well, hardly noticing the sleet this time around.

Kagome was going to kill InuYasha, right after she kissed him until he couldn't breathe! The ever-practical hanyou had one of his paws on her ass and was pushing her up the icy well's throat. After she'd slipped and fell back to her era twice, he wasn't taking any chances! Finally, they both climbed out of the damned thing and breathed a collective sigh of relief. At least it was the Christmas holiday from school and Kagome was glad she wasn't going to have to deal with the modern era for nearly a month! She could finally study her math and make carrying those stupid geometry books worthwhile.

Uh, speaking of that, where was her backpack? She'd left it right here! They weren't gone 10 minutes…where they? Scanning the area, Kagome's eyes drifted across a frozen bush, an icy rock, a tall man in a white baboon pelt, another frozen bush, a tree root – wait! A tall man in white baboon pelt – Naraku! Just as the thought broke through the ice of her mind, InuYasha was standing before her, sword transformed and teeth gnashing.

"What the fuck do you want, bastard?" the inu-hanyou growled.

"Eloquent as always, InuYasha. I merely want to speak to the priestess currently cowering behind you. Nothing more." the Spider drawled.

"I'm not cowering, you freak! Why do you have my backpack? Give that BACK!" Kagome jabbed a finger over InuYasha's shoulder at her fur-clad nemesis with a righteous shout. InuYasha cringed at her volume, but held his ground.

"Wench, you will bring me another of your pickled demon-loaves this minute!" Naraku barked at the angry priestess. "You have one day to do this, then I start killing villagers, one by one. You don't want that on your conscious, do you?"

"Pickled what? Oh. Ohhhhhh! Uh, sure – Naraku. I will do as you ask." the little priestess bowed politely with the strangest smile on her face.

"What! Kagome – no!" InuYasha bellowed back at her.

"You will meet me here in one day – be ready." quoth the dark hanyou and he shot into the sky in an impressive mass of dark tentacles and icy white fur.

They watched him go and InuYasha's growl turned quickly into yelling fury.

"What the hell do you think your doing? What the hell is that fucker talking about!" he angrily thrust Tetsusaiga into the frosty ground.

"InuYasha… snort…!" Kagome fell to her knees in a fit of the giggles. She could just barely breathe and managed, just barely – but she managed to say:

"Only Naraku would kill for fruitcake. We better do as he says!"

With that, she fell over on her back and brayed laughter at the sullen sky.


End file.
